“Wait, Did They Just Say That?” Microaggressions Women in Tech Face Every Day.

So that was not a compliment😒😒.

Apr 04, 2025

Ed Note

“Microaggressions cut deep at the emotional level of how we think about ourselves." — Mo Abdullah.

If you find this newsletter in your social or promotions tab in Gmail, please drag and drop it to your primary tab to ensure future emails are delivered there.

So Shall We?

According to research, about 78% of women say they have experienced microaggressions at work. Those subtle, derogatory comments, snide remarks, backhanded compliments, and casual insults that make you feel uncomfortable in your workplace are not new and you’re definitely not alone.

The thing about microaggressions is that they come in different forms. Some may sound like compliments, while others may sound like concern.

“Oh wow, you speak so well.”

“Wow, so you actually know how to code?”

Yes, comments like that, and that's not all.

Microaggressions also show up when your expertise is doubted, and someone tries to explain what you’ve spent months or years learning because they assume you can’t possibly know more than them.

“I don't know if you have worked on this before, but let me explain it in a simple way.”

“Are you sure you understand how this works?”

And when you want to move forward in your career, they make you second-guess yourself.

“Are you sure you want this promotion? It’s a lot of responsibility oh.”

Even when you’re leading a team, people still assume you’re not in charge. For example, someone walks in, looks around, sees you standing in front of a group of developers, confidently presenting and still asks,

“Can I speak to the lead developer?”

They cannot imagine that you, a woman, could actually lead a team of developers. And when you eventually tell them who you are, they question your competence and might even end the statement with:

“Oh, you are the lead developer? I was not expecting that.”

When you are assertive about certain things, they go:

“You are becoming too aggressive.”

“You should smile more, life is not that hard.”

“Why are you always so serious?”

And just when you think you’ve heard it all, maternal bias comes in:

“Are you planning on having kids soon?”

“I didn’t think you would want this role, it is really demanding. You won't have time for anything.”

These are statements we hear every day, and while some of them are not outrightly hostile, they accumulate over time and become a burden that you have to carry for a long time. First, you start by second-guessing yourself. You begin to wonder if you belong. Then, you want to prove yourself to everybody, and with time, you get tired of doing that.

That’s what microaggression does to you and your mental health and can be exhausting.

The most frustrating part is that most microaggressions come from your colleagues, who do not even realize they are being dismissive. They just say it casually without knowing the harm it can cause.

So instead of brushing them off, call them out. Now, you don’t have to confront them every time it happens, but when you do choose to address it, try to keep it professional.

For instance, if someone is trying to question your skills, you can respond with:

“I actually do have enough experience with this. Would you like me to walk you through it?”

If someone keeps interrupting you in meetings, you can say:

“I’d love to finish my statement and make my point before we move on.”

If someone says, “You are really articulate,” respond with, “Thank you. What did you expect?”

Little responses like this can make a huge difference and make people reflect on their actions and statements.

If you feel you can’t do it alone, find colleagues who are supportive and can help you call out microaggressions.

If you keep experiencing consistent microaggressions and it seems like they won’t stop, keep track of them, and if needed, escalate the issue to HR with solid proof.

But always remember: Not every microaggression is worth your time. Sometimes, you just need to ignore and protect your energy. Do not let it define you.

Although we often deal with microaggressions on our own, companies can step up and make their spaces more inclusive, so women feel valued, and respected. We don’t want to just survive microaggressions, we want an industry that does not let them happen in the first place.

So, dear tech sis, the next time someone says,

“Wow, not all women can do this,”

Don’t let it shake you. That’s not a compliment, it’s a microaggression. Stand your ground, own your expertise, and remind them that you belong here.

Learn Something New Today

500+ handpicked cold email templates for beginners in tech
Free Master Course in Project Management 2.0.

Opportunities

Android & Flutter Developer(Contract + remote).
Project Manager Urgently needed.
Program Support Intern.
Customer Support Intern.
Growth Marketing at BREEDJ.
Digital Marketing Intern.
Brand designer needed.
Product Manager (Remote).
Digital & Marketing Manager (Remote).

This newsletter is brought to you by Miracle Okah.

Read our latest articles and think pieces on women, technology, and everything else!

Your continued support has brought us this far. Upgrade to a paid subscription to ensure our newsletter remains free and accessible to all. Thank you for being part of our journey!

Want to share this with someone you think might like this?

Share this post